dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize