On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize