I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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