i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
