i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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