in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just cropdusted the office
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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