I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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