Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
