mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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