lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was CRYING into my vagina
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
