Your tits are I can't wait for
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize