why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
