I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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