he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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