is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
