If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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