I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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