im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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