At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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