is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
