Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
