walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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