sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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