and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
