It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
These tits shall not be calmed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
