I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
