How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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