I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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