nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
