I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think your dad took our porno
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
