3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
