i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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