I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
