just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
