He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
