I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
