you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
