You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
