lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
