He had one of those small greek statue penises
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
