she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize