you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
