I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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