I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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