I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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