What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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