I think i peed on brittanys purse
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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