btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize