Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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