Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
