i permit you to call me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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