last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We're too hungover to prance.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize