He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
