Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
