I wish I could punch you in the face.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
