There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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