I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
