He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
