There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize