The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
