I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
