Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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