the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need to calm my uterus...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
