I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is Oprah even human
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize