the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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