dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
