Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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