O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
