A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
