I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize