I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
