i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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