There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
