And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
