So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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