you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
