:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
