At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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