I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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