I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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