I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
