I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
