Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am available for nakedness
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
