how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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