I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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