You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
