we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
