I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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