goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize